COMEDY

Some much needed humor. I needed this.


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A Fix!

After months of withdrawl, I've had a bit of a relapse. At least the damage was minimal..

Hypocrisy?

RICHMOND, Va. -- More than 50 pit bulls seized from Michael Vick's property face a Thursday deadline to be claimed. If no one comes forward, they could be euthanized.

Federal prosecutors filed court documents last month to condemn 53 pit bulls seized in April as part of the investigation into dogfighting on the Vick's property. No one has claimed any of the dogs, which are being held at several unspecified shelters in eastern Virginia, the U.S. Attorney's office said Wednesday.

The civil complaint filed by federal prosecutors does not name the Atlanta Falcons quarterback and is separate from the criminal case against him. But it does state the pit bulls were part of the dogfighting operation known as "Bad Newz Kennels," which Vick and three cohorts are accused of operating.

Also included in the document are detailed allegations about the nature of the animals' training regimen and the dogfights occurring at Vick's property at 1915 Moonlight Road in Surry County.

The government filed three public civil forfeiture notices in a Richmond newspaper to publicize the dogs' confiscation, and the deadline for claims is 30 days after the appearance of the final notice, filed July 24.

Federal prosecutors declined to comment Wednesday on the seized dogs. Typically, when confiscated property goes unclaimed, the government asks the court to have the items declared forfeited. In this case, U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson will make the final decision on the dogs' fate.

"There's no dispute over who owns the dogs," said Daphna Nachminovitch, a spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. "Obviously this is not going to be a process where someone steps forward and says, 'This is my dog, can I have her back, please?' "

Though Hudson, who also is handling Vick's criminal case, will determine what becomes of the pit bulls, Nachminovitch said that it's likely that they will be euthanized because they're not adoptable as pets.

"These dogs are a ticking time bomb," she said. "Rehabilitating fighting dogs is not in the cards. It's widely accepted that euthanasia is the most humane thing for them."

Vick, 27, said through a lawyer this week that he will plead guilty to a federal charge of conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and conspiracy to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture. He is scheduled to enter his plea agreement Monday and could face up to five years in prison.

Three Vick associates have pleaded guilty to the conspiracy charge and agreed to testify against him if the case went to trial. They said Vick provided virtually all the gambling and operating funds for the Bad Newz Kennels enterprise. Two of them also said Vick participated in executing at least eight underperforming dogs by various means, including drowning and hanging.

The locations of the shelters holding the dogs haven't been disclosed out of concern that the animals could be stolen, Nachminovitch said.

"They are a hot commodity in the world of dogfighting," she said.

Source

Don't give me that hippy "Ohh it's so very different," bullshit either. It's not! Death is death, one way or another.

BURNNNN

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Source

GUILTY

For once, I'm speechless.


See you in 2010. (Hopefully)

GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT

Innocent until proven guilty huh? Land of the free, home of the brave? Cue, Jigga Man: "I thought this was America people!"

The festivities for the 2007-2008 NFL season have already begun. Madden 08 officially dropped 40 minutes ago, and the Broncos just smacked up the Niners. Unfortunately, the highlight this season isn't taking place on the field.

Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, three-quarters of the Cincy Bengals, and now, the most electrifying man in football. Add Mike Vick to the list. What's different about Vick's case is that the fucking guy hasn't even been convicted. Along with his jersey and merchandise being pulled of the shelves by the NFL, Vick has lost his endorsement deals with Nike, Reebok, and Rawlings. How messed up is that?

The NFL hinted yesterday that they're planning on suspending Vick for the season. Which once again brings me back to my point. WHY IS HE BEING SUSPENDED? Is it because PETA won't shut the fuck up? Is it because somebody with nothing going on in their lives decides to stand outside Niketown picketing a sign?

What if I were to say that I knew that Peyton Manning was funding a smut film for the mass rape of billy goats? And my two cousins are witnesses. Hell, they're more credible than the drug addict snitches the government have against Vick, right? Would that be enough for a Federal indictment?

And what if Mike Vick is somehow is found not guilty? I can't imagine what it'll take to rebuild his reputation. Well, Kobe did get acquitted for rape.

YAO GETS CRUNK!

Yao imbibes a bit too much during wedding party

BEIJING -- Newlywed Yao Ming treated his Chinese teammates to a celebratory dinner at a posh hotel, where guests feasted on a 10-course meal -- and the 7-foot-6 center had a little too much to drink.

The Houston Rockets center "rarely drinks," but this time he marked the occasion and "drank quite a bit," Yao spokesman Erik Zhang said.

"I don't think [Yao] was drunk but he was pretty close. He went back to his room and fell asleep," Zhang said by telephone. "But he felt this was a celebration. And also his teammates, the people who care about him, they're not going to let him get away with not drinking. And he knows that."

Yao tied the knot Monday with longtime girlfriend Ye Li, a 6-2 player on the Chinese women's basketball team, in Yao's hometown of Shanghai. Only close friends and relatives attended.

Yao and Ye held a dinner Thursday night at Beijing's Grand Hyatt hotel with their teammates, Zhang said. China Basketball Association officials were among the 70 guests.

No teammates or coaches from the Rockets were there, Zhang added. Yao plans to host a dinner when he returns to Texas.

Teammate Liu Wei said in a posting on his blog that the dinner included traditional wedding banquet games designed to embarrass the bride and groom.

Guests emptied six bottles of Mao Tai, a fiery Chinese spirit usually downed in shots from small teacups. Yao and Ye took a shot with their arms intertwined, and were asked to kiss in front of the guests.

Yao also picked up Ye, and the bride had to light a cigarette for her tallest teammate, who was standing on a chair above the towering couple.

Guests dined on grouper, abalone, roast pork and ginseng chicken soup.

"I can tell you there was definitely no shark's fin," Zhang said, referring to the traditional banquet delicacy that Yao pledged to give up after becoming spokesman for environmental groups that oppose killing sharks for their fins.

Yao and Ye left the hotel Friday with two luggage carts full of presents. Among them was a crystal warrior figurine from Wang Zhizhi, the first Chinese in the NBA and now a player in China's professional league and on the national team.

"I hope he will be fierce like a warrior during next year's Beijing Olympics," Wang told the Beijing Morning Post.

Yao and his wife returned to Shanghai on Friday and will leave in the next couple of days to honeymoon in Europe.

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press

Someone tell me why Yao looks like an action figure in this picture? And I really hope he didn't get married in a pair of Reeboks! Fucking hypebeast...

BRING THE HATE!

Sportsline not showing any love either!

Bonds hits 756!

He's done it folks! Minutes before the clock struck Midnight here in New York City, Barry Lamar Bonds hit his 756th career homerun, breaking the prestigious record held by baseball great "Hammer" Hank Aaron.

How do I feel about it? Disgusted. Call me disrespectful. Blame it on my hater-like traits. It's something that I'm known notoriously for. I've admitted, time and time again. I am a hater. But always with good reason though. (Most of the time)

A record, rich with pride and history tainted with uncertainty and scandal. It could have been any other player who broke the record. I would of given them the same amount of props, and their share of respect. Just do it fairly.

Bonds supporters would say:
"Stop fucking hating! He never tested positive for steroids."
Your boy tested positive for amphetamines last season. The Giants slugger claimed to have taken the cream unknowingly of its effects. Really Barry? You didn't feel the need to question your trainer when you saw yourself getting unusually swole for a man your age? Unknowingly huh? Fuck that, you chose to ignore what the clear cream was that his trainers were rubbing you down with. We're not as stupid as you think.

Furthermore, the pre-recorded statement by Hank Aaron was nonetheless a classy gesture, from a classy individual. I'll admit that I was annoyed when I heard they were going to delay the game further, for a message from a "special individual." If anything, I'd like to give congrats to Hank Aaron, for having to see his record be unfairly taken away from and not throwing a bitch-fit.



By the way, I had the television tuned in live. At the same time, Brian had sent me a video on AIM, prompting me to press the mute button on my remote. By the time the video concluded, I turn my head to the t.v., and see a flashing IM indicator on my screen. "bonds homered."
"jus now."

Fucking owned? Wow, I missed a piece of history for this!



Thanks Brian.

Sweeeeeeeeet!

The Hundreds

NBA PREDICTION

Corey Brewer will be this year's Rookie of the Year.


You heard it here!

Complex August/September Preview

A sneak peek at the covers for the new August/September issue. It's a pretty dope issue, with Kanye West was the guest editor. And one word to describe Cassie's spread? WET! Coming to your local newsstand soon!

50 Cent's Chrome Lamborghini for Sale!

Yessir!

"Mothafuck Da Police!"

Usually I wouldn't go about pointing out ones flaws. That's just not how I roll. Not everyone is perfect. But what really grinds my gears is when someone lacks common sense. In this case, I'll make an exception.

On Monday, my supervisor asked me to pick up some pillows in Williamsburg for a photo shoot. I leave Complex at around 11 A.M. to pick up the L train over at Union Square. Now, I've never really been to Williamsburg. The only thing I know about the Williamsburg is that there's a bridge named after it, Peter Luger steakhouse, and Nort 7. As I hop off the train at Lorimer Street, the directions to "Rise and Fall Skateshop" said travel West on Metropolitan Avenue towards Meeker Avenue. Ok, at this point I had no idea where the fuck East and West was, based on where I was standing. So what do I do? I did what any other person with common sense would do. I asked someone.

Just my luck! A female cop is sitting in her cruiser right outside the train station. "Excuse me miss, can you point me in the direction going West?" Meanwhile the cop looks dumbfounded. "West? That way," as she points to the right. I thank her, and make my way down Metro in the direction she pointed. Meanwhile, I realize I've already walked five blocks and haven't seen Meeker Avenue. Hmmm, this seemed odd. Roasting my ass off in the 90+ weather, I ask a random guy on the street, "Excuse me, is this way heading West, towards Meeker Avenue?" "Yeah, I think so." Fine, I keep walking. I walk another six blocks. At this point I'm pissed. I haven't seen Meeker Avenue, or the street that I'm supposed to turn on. Feeling tired, dehydrated, and furious I ask a woman chilling on her stoop. "Miss, where can I find Havenmeyer Street?" She replies, "HAVENMEYER? Isn't that in Williamsburg?" My jaw drops. "Yes, I believe so. Aren't I heading in the right direction?" "No dear, Havenmeyer is in Williamsburg. That's all the way back that way!"

Apparently, I walked almost 15 blocks in the WRONG direction. All thanks, to these two fucking idiots who guided me in the wrong direction. All these idiots had to say was "I'm sorry, I don't know." How fucking hard is that? A simple 45 minute trip, turned literally into a 2 and a half hour journey across the fucking Sahara.

So I dedicate to you two, from the heart, a nice, great, ginormous, FUCK YOU!

GG!